posts in MENTAL HEALTH
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I recently did a post titled Relationships Via An Anxious Mind where I delved into the emotions and thoughts I, someone with a mental illness, felt/feel when it comes to relationships. After having wrote that, my interest in knowing where my boyfriend stood with all this peaked. 

What’s it like for him? Though it may not be to my extent, does he feel he struggles in the relationship because of it? Does he get frustrated? There are so many questions I need answers to. Today, I decided to pick his brain - I’m starting with 12 questions, questions I feel are the most basic and people would be curious about. I stressed the fact that honesty plays a huge role in how this will play out. I wanted the cold, hard truth - and he promised that’s what he’d deliver. 

LETS TAKE A DIVE INTO MY BOYFRIEND'S MIND... 

 IMPORTANT NOTE: ALL ANSWERS ARE ALL WRITTEN BY HIM, NO CHANGES HAVE BEEN MADE BY ME (OTHER THAN THE OCCASIONAL PUNCTUATION MARK BECAUSE I'M ANAL). 

1. DID YOU KNOW I HAD ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION WHEN WE FIRST GOT TOGETHER?

 I honestly had no idea. I just thought you were super shy.

2. ONCE YOU FOUND OUT, WHAT WERE YOUR THOUGHTS?   

 When I found out you had anxiety, I didn't even know what to think because I didn't know what it was. First thing i did was look it up to grasp a better understanding on what it was and what it consisted of.
3. HOW DO YOUR PAST RELATIONSHIPS DIFFER FROM OURS?                

 Compared to the past relationships, I've never been with someone that has anxiety so it's a definite eye opener to what life is like for someone with it. Anxiety aside, what makes this relationship different is the deep connection we’ve developed for each other. You help me strive to do better all while supporting me unconditionally. Can't say I’ve had a relationship so intimate.

4. WHAT IS GOING THROUGH YOUR HEAD WHEN YOU’RE PRESENT DURING ONE 
OF MY PANIC ATTACKS OR DEPRESSIVE EPISODES? 

 First thing that goes through my mind is how the mood changes almost immediately. One moment we can be talking and laughing and then just like that something different. The next thing that I think about is what your thinking about when you get anxious and what I can do comfort you to help you through it.

5. DO YOU FEEL ME HAVING A MENTAL ILLNESS MAKES OUR RELATIONSHIP MORE DIFFICULT THAN AN “AVERAGE” ONE? 

 Yes and no. Everyone is different in some way shape or form. It can be hard sometimes. Every relationship has its challenges. For instance, thinking of places to go on dates is slightly different now. I have to make sure I take into consideration the state of your well being if we are out and if somethings will spark an panic attack or anxiety. But there is nothing wrong with that, I just want to make sure you are okay and cared for if something does happen. In the end, to be real it doesn’t bother me. The day I asked you to be with me, I rose to the challenge and told myself I would never back down from it.

6. WERE YOU EDUCATED ON MENTAL ILLNESSES/MENTAL HEALTH BEFORE I EXPLAINED IT TO YOU?

 No, I was completely unaware. I didn’t even really hear of anxiety until you told me you had it and explained to me what it was.

7. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WISH I DIDN’T DO?

 My number one thing I wish you didn't do is tell yourself you look ugly and that your looks aren’t all that. Words cannot describe how beautiful you are and how much I love you just the way you are. God made you perfect in my eyes and I will never think otherwise.


8. WHAT ARE SOME THINGS YOU WISH WE COULD DO THAT WE CURRENTLY CAN’T DUE TO MY ANXIETY? 

There is really only two things that I wish we could do and thats going out to eat at restaurants and going out to have a few drinks or even just having a few drinks are each others houses.

9. DO YOU BELIEVE MENTAL ILLNESSES ARE REAL? 

 I've always believed that they were real. If someone thinks they are made up or fake then they are ignorant. Mental illness is a big deal in society and I personally believe people need to be aware of the different illnesses. Knowledge is key. Gaining a better understanding for mental illness can go a long way for people dealing with it and for people who know and or are dating somebody with one.

10. DO MY LIMITATIONS DURING OUR DAY-TO-DAY LIFE FRUSTRATE YOU?

 At the beginning of our relationship it was a little difficult I can admit, but at this point in our relationship your limitations don’t frustrate me or bother me not one bit. I have my limits as does everyone else. Just because someone has limits doesn’t mean the worst, it just means they see and assess things differently and there is nothing wrong with that.

11. WHAT IS SOME ADVICE YOU’D GIVE TO YOURSELF WHEN IT COMES TO DEALING WITH/UNDERSTANDING MY MENTAL ILLNESS IN THE FUTURE? 

 I'd tell myself to continue to be open and understanding about your feelings and limitations. I'd also say to keep being open with you about everything and to not be filtered when it comes to talking about your anxiety. I'd tell myself to never lose sight of my main goal. When I enter a relationship with someone, I see that person as someone I can potentially marry and if I want that goal to be fulfilled I need to keep being compassionate and understanding about everything. Continue to grow with each other and push each other to greatness. We need to keep being ourselves.

12. WHAT IS ONE PIECE OF ADVICE YOU’D OFFER TO SOMEONE WHO IS CURRENTLY IN A RELATIONSHIP, BUT FEELS AS THOUGH ITS BEING RUINED DUE TO THEIR PARTNER’S ILLNESS?

 Just to communicate and educate yourself. Ask questions. Communication can go a long way. Showing that you are willing to learn about what makes your significant other who they are and what makes them tick is very attractive and critical for the relationship. So again, I stress you to communicate, educate, and ask questions.

dating with a mental illness: my boyfriends perspective

Friday, December 1, 2017


I recently did a post titled Relationships Via An Anxious Mind where I delved into the emotions and thoughts I, someone with a mental illness, felt/feel when it comes to relationships. After having wrote that, my interest in knowing where my boyfriend stood with all this peaked. 

What’s it like for him? Though it may not be to my extent, does he feel he struggles in the relationship because of it? Does he get frustrated? There are so many questions I need answers to. Today, I decided to pick his brain - I’m starting with 12 questions, questions I feel are the most basic and people would be curious about. I stressed the fact that honesty plays a huge role in how this will play out. I wanted the cold, hard truth - and he promised that’s what he’d deliver. 

LETS TAKE A DIVE INTO MY BOYFRIEND'S MIND... 

 IMPORTANT NOTE: ALL ANSWERS ARE ALL WRITTEN BY HIM, NO CHANGES HAVE BEEN MADE BY ME (OTHER THAN THE OCCASIONAL PUNCTUATION MARK BECAUSE I'M ANAL). 

1. DID YOU KNOW I HAD ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION WHEN WE FIRST GOT TOGETHER?

 I honestly had no idea. I just thought you were super shy.

2. ONCE YOU FOUND OUT, WHAT WERE YOUR THOUGHTS?   

 When I found out you had anxiety, I didn't even know what to think because I didn't know what it was. First thing i did was look it up to grasp a better understanding on what it was and what it consisted of.
3. HOW DO YOUR PAST RELATIONSHIPS DIFFER FROM OURS?                

 Compared to the past relationships, I've never been with someone that has anxiety so it's a definite eye opener to what life is like for someone with it. Anxiety aside, what makes this relationship different is the deep connection we’ve developed for each other. You help me strive to do better all while supporting me unconditionally. Can't say I’ve had a relationship so intimate.

4. WHAT IS GOING THROUGH YOUR HEAD WHEN YOU’RE PRESENT DURING ONE 
OF MY PANIC ATTACKS OR DEPRESSIVE EPISODES? 

 First thing that goes through my mind is how the mood changes almost immediately. One moment we can be talking and laughing and then just like that something different. The next thing that I think about is what your thinking about when you get anxious and what I can do comfort you to help you through it.

5. DO YOU FEEL ME HAVING A MENTAL ILLNESS MAKES OUR RELATIONSHIP MORE DIFFICULT THAN AN “AVERAGE” ONE? 

 Yes and no. Everyone is different in some way shape or form. It can be hard sometimes. Every relationship has its challenges. For instance, thinking of places to go on dates is slightly different now. I have to make sure I take into consideration the state of your well being if we are out and if somethings will spark an panic attack or anxiety. But there is nothing wrong with that, I just want to make sure you are okay and cared for if something does happen. In the end, to be real it doesn’t bother me. The day I asked you to be with me, I rose to the challenge and told myself I would never back down from it.

6. WERE YOU EDUCATED ON MENTAL ILLNESSES/MENTAL HEALTH BEFORE I EXPLAINED IT TO YOU?

 No, I was completely unaware. I didn’t even really hear of anxiety until you told me you had it and explained to me what it was.

7. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WISH I DIDN’T DO?

 My number one thing I wish you didn't do is tell yourself you look ugly and that your looks aren’t all that. Words cannot describe how beautiful you are and how much I love you just the way you are. God made you perfect in my eyes and I will never think otherwise.


8. WHAT ARE SOME THINGS YOU WISH WE COULD DO THAT WE CURRENTLY CAN’T DUE TO MY ANXIETY? 

There is really only two things that I wish we could do and thats going out to eat at restaurants and going out to have a few drinks or even just having a few drinks are each others houses.

9. DO YOU BELIEVE MENTAL ILLNESSES ARE REAL? 

 I've always believed that they were real. If someone thinks they are made up or fake then they are ignorant. Mental illness is a big deal in society and I personally believe people need to be aware of the different illnesses. Knowledge is key. Gaining a better understanding for mental illness can go a long way for people dealing with it and for people who know and or are dating somebody with one.

10. DO MY LIMITATIONS DURING OUR DAY-TO-DAY LIFE FRUSTRATE YOU?

 At the beginning of our relationship it was a little difficult I can admit, but at this point in our relationship your limitations don’t frustrate me or bother me not one bit. I have my limits as does everyone else. Just because someone has limits doesn’t mean the worst, it just means they see and assess things differently and there is nothing wrong with that.

11. WHAT IS SOME ADVICE YOU’D GIVE TO YOURSELF WHEN IT COMES TO DEALING WITH/UNDERSTANDING MY MENTAL ILLNESS IN THE FUTURE? 

 I'd tell myself to continue to be open and understanding about your feelings and limitations. I'd also say to keep being open with you about everything and to not be filtered when it comes to talking about your anxiety. I'd tell myself to never lose sight of my main goal. When I enter a relationship with someone, I see that person as someone I can potentially marry and if I want that goal to be fulfilled I need to keep being compassionate and understanding about everything. Continue to grow with each other and push each other to greatness. We need to keep being ourselves.

12. WHAT IS ONE PIECE OF ADVICE YOU’D OFFER TO SOMEONE WHO IS CURRENTLY IN A RELATIONSHIP, BUT FEELS AS THOUGH ITS BEING RUINED DUE TO THEIR PARTNER’S ILLNESS?

 Just to communicate and educate yourself. Ask questions. Communication can go a long way. Showing that you are willing to learn about what makes your significant other who they are and what makes them tick is very attractive and critical for the relationship. So again, I stress you to communicate, educate, and ask questions.
more

Long before even getting into my current relationship, mental health has been heavy on my mind; in a different way than normal. I find that articles and twitter threads on ways to be there for your partner who has a mental illness are common and spoke about frequently, but the worries the person (with the mental illness) hold often go untold. 

I’ve never really been someone who yearned to be in a relationship. The thought of boys and love were the furthest thing from my mind throughout my teens to twenties; my well-being taking up the majority of my interests. While my friends were out on the town mingling with cute college boys, you could find me alone at home in bed with my face being lit up by the bright screen of my iPhone. 

“Do you have a boyfriend?” “Why don’t you come out with us?” “Can I hook you up with one of my friends?” were questions that constantly filled the air around me, the answer always being “no” followed by an awkward laugh. No one really understood why I was so stand offish, a lot of the time it was assumed I was already in some sort of ‘super secret’ relationship. Wrong. If I couldn’t even open up to myself, how could I open up to a complete stranger? 

There was some sort of fear there too, I guess. That fear was never of rejection or the person themselves, it was more so of having to go through the process of learning to trust someone enough to allow myself to feel comfortable around them. Comfortable meaning I was able to be 100% myself - silly Kristina and the anxious/depressed Kristina. Having to explain and constantly try to help your significant other understand your limitations and triggers is both tiresome and frustrating. I felt it would be more of a burden to me than it would be positive. On top of that, there was the risk of getting attached and then breaking up. This person became a part of your everyday routine - familiar. This human who was once your safe place comes crashing down into tiny pieces, leaving you with no spot to take refuge in. 

I couldn’t tell you what changed this year, the thoughts and feelings were still there, but they no longer had a strong grip on me. I mingled and I met amazing guys, most of which are now incredible friends of mine, I was this new person. The streak came to an end when I got my heart broken - or what I thought was a broken heart at the time. I’ve now come to realize it was far from that, it was a lot less dramatic and a lot more of me just getting my feelings hurt. That’s a story for another time, though. After this situation happened, I found myself lost. Like I had predicted before, I had used him to stay afloat. Whilst drowning, I searched for him in other guys I would talk to, desperately reaching out for my life raft. I didn’t find it, but I did find myself. 

Fast forward a few months, I had got my mojo back - this time all on my own. My view on things had changed and I found out how to handle situations differently. Even though all the previous worries are still here, and are probably here to stay, when you come to the realization that you will always be there for yourself, no matter who’s there and who isn’t, that’s when it all changes. Getting your heart broken, having to break off a relationship, being cheated on, whatever it is - you have it all under control. It’s natural to want to lean and rely on someone and there’s nothing wrong with that, but the truth is you’ve had it under control before them and you still will after. You are your main support beam. You are every bit of power behind how tall and strong you stand. 

If a relationship is something you’re wanting, but your anxious thoughts are holding you back - let them go and allow life to happen. Allow yourself to feel the joys of companionship and love. If a relationship isn’t what you’re looking for at the moment, don’t force it. It is what it is.

You’re the source of your happiness, pride, strength, creativity and so much more. Anyone added to your life is just that - an addition to all your positive feelings and attributes. It’s you, you, you. 

relationships via an anxious mind

Tuesday, September 26, 2017


Long before even getting into my current relationship, mental health has been heavy on my mind; in a different way than normal. I find that articles and twitter threads on ways to be there for your partner who has a mental illness are common and spoke about frequently, but the worries the person (with the mental illness) hold often go untold. 

I’ve never really been someone who yearned to be in a relationship. The thought of boys and love were the furthest thing from my mind throughout my teens to twenties; my well-being taking up the majority of my interests. While my friends were out on the town mingling with cute college boys, you could find me alone at home in bed with my face being lit up by the bright screen of my iPhone. 

“Do you have a boyfriend?” “Why don’t you come out with us?” “Can I hook you up with one of my friends?” were questions that constantly filled the air around me, the answer always being “no” followed by an awkward laugh. No one really understood why I was so stand offish, a lot of the time it was assumed I was already in some sort of ‘super secret’ relationship. Wrong. If I couldn’t even open up to myself, how could I open up to a complete stranger? 

There was some sort of fear there too, I guess. That fear was never of rejection or the person themselves, it was more so of having to go through the process of learning to trust someone enough to allow myself to feel comfortable around them. Comfortable meaning I was able to be 100% myself - silly Kristina and the anxious/depressed Kristina. Having to explain and constantly try to help your significant other understand your limitations and triggers is both tiresome and frustrating. I felt it would be more of a burden to me than it would be positive. On top of that, there was the risk of getting attached and then breaking up. This person became a part of your everyday routine - familiar. This human who was once your safe place comes crashing down into tiny pieces, leaving you with no spot to take refuge in. 

I couldn’t tell you what changed this year, the thoughts and feelings were still there, but they no longer had a strong grip on me. I mingled and I met amazing guys, most of which are now incredible friends of mine, I was this new person. The streak came to an end when I got my heart broken - or what I thought was a broken heart at the time. I’ve now come to realize it was far from that, it was a lot less dramatic and a lot more of me just getting my feelings hurt. That’s a story for another time, though. After this situation happened, I found myself lost. Like I had predicted before, I had used him to stay afloat. Whilst drowning, I searched for him in other guys I would talk to, desperately reaching out for my life raft. I didn’t find it, but I did find myself. 

Fast forward a few months, I had got my mojo back - this time all on my own. My view on things had changed and I found out how to handle situations differently. Even though all the previous worries are still here, and are probably here to stay, when you come to the realization that you will always be there for yourself, no matter who’s there and who isn’t, that’s when it all changes. Getting your heart broken, having to break off a relationship, being cheated on, whatever it is - you have it all under control. It’s natural to want to lean and rely on someone and there’s nothing wrong with that, but the truth is you’ve had it under control before them and you still will after. You are your main support beam. You are every bit of power behind how tall and strong you stand. 

If a relationship is something you’re wanting, but your anxious thoughts are holding you back - let them go and allow life to happen. Allow yourself to feel the joys of companionship and love. If a relationship isn’t what you’re looking for at the moment, don’t force it. It is what it is.

You’re the source of your happiness, pride, strength, creativity and so much more. Anyone added to your life is just that - an addition to all your positive feelings and attributes. It’s you, you, you. 
more

These past two weeks have been so strange. I've felt carefree, young and most importantly happy. These are some emotions I haven't truly felt since about 4th or 5th grade. It's something I've been yearning for since I was 12/13 and now at 19 nearly 20, I've finally gotten my wish. 

BEATING MY BATTLE WITH SEVERE ANXIETY?

Thursday, February 26, 2015


These past two weeks have been so strange. I've felt carefree, young and most importantly happy. These are some emotions I haven't truly felt since about 4th or 5th grade. It's something I've been yearning for since I was 12/13 and now at 19 nearly 20, I've finally gotten my wish. 

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