I recently did a post titled Relationships Via An Anxious Mind where I delved into the emotions and thoughts I, someone with a mental illness, felt/feel when it comes to relationships. After having wrote that, my interest in knowing where my boyfriend stood with all this peaked.
What’s it like for him? Though it may not be to my extent, does he feel he struggles in the relationship because of it? Does he get frustrated? There are so many questions I need answers to. Today, I decided to pick his brain - I’m starting with 12 questions, questions I feel are the most basic and people would be curious about. I stressed the fact that honesty plays a huge role in how this will play out. I wanted the cold, hard truth - and he promised that’s what he’d deliver.
LETS TAKE A DIVE INTO MY BOYFRIEND'S MIND...
IMPORTANT NOTE: ALL ANSWERS ARE ALL WRITTEN BY HIM, NO CHANGES HAVE BEEN MADE BY ME (OTHER THAN THE OCCASIONAL PUNCTUATION MARK BECAUSE I'M ANAL).
IMPORTANT NOTE: ALL ANSWERS ARE ALL WRITTEN BY HIM, NO CHANGES HAVE BEEN MADE BY ME (OTHER THAN THE OCCASIONAL PUNCTUATION MARK BECAUSE I'M ANAL).
1. DID YOU KNOW I HAD ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION WHEN WE FIRST GOT TOGETHER?
I honestly had no idea. I just thought you were super shy.
I honestly had no idea. I just thought you were super shy.
2. ONCE YOU FOUND OUT, WHAT WERE YOUR THOUGHTS?
When I found out you had anxiety, I didn't even know what to think because I didn't know what it was. First thing i did was look it up to grasp a better understanding on what it was and what it consisted of.
When I found out you had anxiety, I didn't even know what to think because I didn't know what it was. First thing i did was look it up to grasp a better understanding on what it was and what it consisted of.
3. HOW DO YOUR PAST RELATIONSHIPS DIFFER FROM OURS?
Compared to the past relationships, I've never been with someone that has anxiety so it's a definite eye opener to what life is like for someone with it. Anxiety aside, what makes this relationship different is the deep connection we’ve developed for each other. You help me strive to do better all while supporting me unconditionally. Can't say I’ve had a relationship so intimate.
Compared to the past relationships, I've never been with someone that has anxiety so it's a definite eye opener to what life is like for someone with it. Anxiety aside, what makes this relationship different is the deep connection we’ve developed for each other. You help me strive to do better all while supporting me unconditionally. Can't say I’ve had a relationship so intimate.
4. WHAT IS GOING THROUGH YOUR HEAD WHEN YOU’RE PRESENT DURING ONE
OF MY PANIC ATTACKS OR DEPRESSIVE EPISODES?
First thing that goes through my mind is how the mood changes almost immediately. One moment we can be talking and laughing and then just like that something different. The next thing that I think about is what your thinking about when you get anxious and what I can do comfort you to help you through it.
OF MY PANIC ATTACKS OR DEPRESSIVE EPISODES?
First thing that goes through my mind is how the mood changes almost immediately. One moment we can be talking and laughing and then just like that something different. The next thing that I think about is what your thinking about when you get anxious and what I can do comfort you to help you through it.
5. DO YOU FEEL ME HAVING A MENTAL ILLNESS MAKES OUR RELATIONSHIP MORE DIFFICULT THAN AN “AVERAGE” ONE?
Yes and no. Everyone is different in some way shape or form. It can be hard sometimes. Every relationship has its challenges. For instance, thinking of places to go on dates is slightly different now. I have to make sure I take into consideration the state of your well being if we are out and if somethings will spark an panic attack or anxiety. But there is nothing wrong with that, I just want to make sure you are okay and cared for if something does happen. In the end, to be real it doesn’t bother me. The day I asked you to be with me, I rose to the challenge and told myself I would never back down from it.
Yes and no. Everyone is different in some way shape or form. It can be hard sometimes. Every relationship has its challenges. For instance, thinking of places to go on dates is slightly different now. I have to make sure I take into consideration the state of your well being if we are out and if somethings will spark an panic attack or anxiety. But there is nothing wrong with that, I just want to make sure you are okay and cared for if something does happen. In the end, to be real it doesn’t bother me. The day I asked you to be with me, I rose to the challenge and told myself I would never back down from it.
6. WERE YOU EDUCATED ON MENTAL ILLNESSES/MENTAL HEALTH BEFORE I EXPLAINED IT TO YOU?
No, I was completely unaware. I didn’t even really hear of anxiety until you told me you had it and explained to me what it was.
No, I was completely unaware. I didn’t even really hear of anxiety until you told me you had it and explained to me what it was.
7. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WISH I DIDN’T DO?
My number one thing I wish you didn't do is tell yourself you look ugly and that your looks aren’t all that. Words cannot describe how beautiful you are and how much I love you just the way you are. God made you perfect in my eyes and I will never think otherwise.
8. WHAT ARE SOME THINGS YOU WISH WE COULD DO THAT WE CURRENTLY CAN’T DUE TO MY ANXIETY?
There is really only two things that I wish we could do and thats going out to eat at restaurants and going out to have a few drinks or even just having a few drinks are each others houses.
My number one thing I wish you didn't do is tell yourself you look ugly and that your looks aren’t all that. Words cannot describe how beautiful you are and how much I love you just the way you are. God made you perfect in my eyes and I will never think otherwise.
8. WHAT ARE SOME THINGS YOU WISH WE COULD DO THAT WE CURRENTLY CAN’T DUE TO MY ANXIETY?
There is really only two things that I wish we could do and thats going out to eat at restaurants and going out to have a few drinks or even just having a few drinks are each others houses.
9. DO YOU BELIEVE MENTAL ILLNESSES ARE REAL?
I've always believed that they were real. If someone thinks they are made up or fake then they are ignorant. Mental illness is a big deal in society and I personally believe people need to be aware of the different illnesses. Knowledge is key. Gaining a better understanding for mental illness can go a long way for people dealing with it and for people who know and or are dating somebody with one.
I've always believed that they were real. If someone thinks they are made up or fake then they are ignorant. Mental illness is a big deal in society and I personally believe people need to be aware of the different illnesses. Knowledge is key. Gaining a better understanding for mental illness can go a long way for people dealing with it and for people who know and or are dating somebody with one.
10. DO MY LIMITATIONS DURING OUR DAY-TO-DAY LIFE FRUSTRATE YOU?
At the beginning of our relationship it was a little difficult I can admit, but at this point in our relationship your limitations don’t frustrate me or bother me not one bit. I have my limits as does everyone else. Just because someone has limits doesn’t mean the worst, it just means they see and assess things differently and there is nothing wrong with that.
At the beginning of our relationship it was a little difficult I can admit, but at this point in our relationship your limitations don’t frustrate me or bother me not one bit. I have my limits as does everyone else. Just because someone has limits doesn’t mean the worst, it just means they see and assess things differently and there is nothing wrong with that.
11. WHAT IS SOME ADVICE YOU’D GIVE TO YOURSELF WHEN IT COMES TO DEALING WITH/UNDERSTANDING MY MENTAL ILLNESS IN THE FUTURE?
I'd tell myself to continue to be open and understanding about your feelings and limitations. I'd also say to keep being open with you about everything and to not be filtered when it comes to talking about your anxiety. I'd tell myself to never lose sight of my main goal. When I enter a relationship with someone, I see that person as someone I can potentially marry and if I want that goal to be fulfilled I need to keep being compassionate and understanding about everything. Continue to grow with each other and push each other to greatness. We need to keep being ourselves.
I'd tell myself to continue to be open and understanding about your feelings and limitations. I'd also say to keep being open with you about everything and to not be filtered when it comes to talking about your anxiety. I'd tell myself to never lose sight of my main goal. When I enter a relationship with someone, I see that person as someone I can potentially marry and if I want that goal to be fulfilled I need to keep being compassionate and understanding about everything. Continue to grow with each other and push each other to greatness. We need to keep being ourselves.
12. WHAT IS ONE PIECE OF ADVICE YOU’D OFFER TO SOMEONE WHO IS CURRENTLY IN A RELATIONSHIP, BUT FEELS AS THOUGH ITS BEING RUINED DUE TO THEIR PARTNER’S ILLNESS?
Just to communicate and educate yourself. Ask questions. Communication can go a long way. Showing that you are willing to learn about what makes your significant other who they are and what makes them tick is very attractive and critical for the relationship. So again, I stress you to communicate, educate, and ask questions.
Just to communicate and educate yourself. Ask questions. Communication can go a long way. Showing that you are willing to learn about what makes your significant other who they are and what makes them tick is very attractive and critical for the relationship. So again, I stress you to communicate, educate, and ask questions.
I think this is beautiful. I have a lot of anxiety & I am only 18 years old. But this is extremely helpful for me bc I never understood how my boyfriend felt when I had an anxiety attack. This is beautiful
ReplyDeleteThis is a beautiful post and I loved reading it.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful. I can feel your connection through the words.
ReplyDeleteMarbl☾☽Moon
This was such a brilliant post and a real eye opener for me, especially because I struggle with anxiety and some other mental health problems, and that's really held me back from dating because I've always felt like I'd be too much of a burden.
ReplyDeleteJulia // The Sunday Mode